How to accept yourself the way you are? Learn to see virtues in your features, find their competent use, be inspired by the example of other people with similar external or internal characteristics. You can accept everything, and this must be done, because it is impossible to become a happy and successful person, living without harmony with oneself.
WHY CAN’T PEOPLE ACCEPT THEMSELVES?
It’s all about the complexes that someone else inspired, and the habit of comparing yourself with other people, which the environment also instilled. Usually the problem is rooted in childhood. Until the age of 7, the child does not develop critical thinking , therefore, everything that parents say, he perceives as the ultimate truth. If parents tell a child that he does everything wrong, that he is bad and unworthy, that he has a disgusting appearance, etc., then the child grows up with these beliefs. Gradually, he adopts the attitude of his parents and becomes a tyrant for himself.
And it happens that in the family they treat the child well, but peers bully them for some peculiarity, for example, for being overweight. Victims of bullying take years to recover from injury. Even in adulthood, not all people can get rid of this shadow of the past.
WHAT DOES IT EXPRESS
Non-acceptance of oneself is expressed in isolation and aggressiveness, irritability, resentment of a person . Those who do not accept themselves often get sick. He does not have a personal life, there are problems at work. He is unhappy.
Some people try to isolate themselves from society, because they are afraid of criticism, attention, insults, and also believe that they are not worthy of love and happiness. Other people try to assert themselves at the expense of others , and also, as a defense, create the image of a selfish, narcissistic, arrogant person.
A subject who does not accept himself cannot accept other people. He is also incapable of love. He does not know how to accept and say compliments, or take care of someone. Only by accepting oneself can a person become open and friendly towards others.
Non-acceptance of oneself is caused by an internal conflict – the contradiction of the I-real (what kind of person is at the moment) and the I-ideal (what kind of person would like to be). The problem is that these images are distorted in traumatized people. They cannot create an objective image of the I-real and create an image of the I-ideal that is unattainable specifically for them.
- The introvert blames himself for getting tired of contact with people, cannot have small talk or work in a team, and dreams of becoming the soul of the company, a speaker, a training leader, etc.
- A person with a disciplinary type of thinking (the ability to study one activity in depth) scolds himself for the lack of creative thought and dreams of becoming a famous artist.
- A woman who prioritizes her career and who manages to build a business scolds herself for not wanting to have children. She believes that this makes her flawed, wrong.
- A girl who lacks height or other characteristics for a modeling career revels in self-pity instead of finding an area where exactly her height and other features will be in demand.
- In every person there is something that he cannot change: temperament, inclinations, type of nervous system, height, shape of the nose and ears, eye shape, etc. Yes, external and internal features impose restrictions on certain activities. It happens that our interests and desires do not coincide with the possibilities. But each person has hundreds of options for how to combine opportunities and abilities. You just need to find the strength in yourself to stop obsessing over one thing and look at the world and yourself more broadly.
WHY IS IT HARD TO DO
It is difficult for people to accept themselves, because the psyche resists any changes. She, like any other system, strives for stability, comfort, and habitual state. The longer a person lives in dislike for himself, the more difficult it is for him to change his attitude towards himself and the world.
WHERE TO BEGIN
How to learn to accept yourself? To accept means to stop comparing and evaluating yourself. This means that a person simply accepts all his features as facts. He accepts himself and knows all his strengths and weaknesses of character, desires and interests, true inner impulses, external features, abilities, mindset and personality, temperament, etc. He allows himself to be himself, does not try to become like someone else or adjust to someone else’s standards.
And also self-acceptance involves forgiveness by a person to himself of the mistakes of the past, rejection of self-flagellation , feelings of guilt or shame. And even mistakes in the present are accepted as a normal element of human life. A person allows himself to be wrong or in a bad mood, doubt, make mistakes, be afraid, etc. He accepts any of his emotions , feelings and reactions.
WAYS TO ACCEPT YOURSELF
We will analyze the main advice of psychologists on how a person can accept, understand and love himself for who he is. And also consider popular psychological techniques that help in self-acceptance.
GET RID OF EXCESSIVE DEMANDS ON YOURSELF
There will always be someone better or worse than you. You can’t always be the first in everything. All people get tired, everyone has kickbacks. Understand this and stop demanding from yourself to “be a tenacious tin soldier.” Set goals for yourself that are slightly more difficult than what you have already achieved. But it’s just a little more difficult. This is the only way to develop without disruptions and self-flagellation.
AVOID JUDGING YOURSELF AND OTHERS
Learn to praise others and yourself, to see the virtues, achievements. Right now, make a list of things that you can thank yourself for, for which you respect yourself. And then make the same list for your friend. Start communication with a compliment, thanks or praise. Learn to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. To begin with, you can do a written analysis of problem situations – gradually it will become a habit and you will do it mentally.
GET RID OF ENVY
People envy only one thing – happiness. It can take any tangible or intangible form, but the bottom line is that everyone wants to be happy. The problem is that there is no universal secret to happiness. People think that if they acquire an object of envy, they will automatically become happy, but this does not happen.
For example, some provincial residents dream of moving to Moscow, and when they succeed, they understand that there was no happiness, and there may even be more problems. This happens because it is about them, and not about the place of residence or something else. For example, it turns out that a person simply did not have enough work to his liking in his hometown. Due to internal problems, he could not understand what his calling was.
Self-acceptance does not mean that a person should not change anything in himself. On the contrary, much will have to be changed and broken. You won’t get far on self-hypnosis and compliments alone, you need to back it up with actions. For example, volunteering will help a person regain a sense of self-worth. And getting rid of bad habits will strengthen faith in yourself. The development of the inclinations invested by nature will help to achieve success in the profession. Expanding your horizons will allow you to become an interesting conversationalist. And all this in general will help increase self-esteem.
ACCEPT ERROR PROBABILITY
Fear of error is associated with dependence on public opinion, fear of punishment, decision-making and responsibility. It is necessary to understand that you have only one life and only you have the right to dispose of it. To obey someone or to live to please someone means not to live at all. And allow yourself, finally, not only to live according to your desires, but also to gain personal experience. And this is impossible without mistakes – we learn from them.
ACCEPT YOUR APPEARANCE
To get started, find a famous person on the Internet who has an external feature similar to you, and study her life story. For example, for many magnificent women, Ekaterina Skulkina has become an idol and motivator. Its weight and shape is not just a feature. This is her feature and one of the components of her popularity.
Note, however, that self-acceptance also means taking care of yourself. For example, if doctors say that you need to lose weight, then you need to do it. It is also important to play sports at any weight, take care of your skin, and eat a balanced diet.
In general, learn to take care of yourself and think about how attractive each of your external features is.
WORK WITH MORAL CHARACTER
The main moral qualities include: honesty, sincerity, truthfulness, adherence to principles, self-criticism , conscientiousness, loyalty to one’s convictions and duty. It is easier to appreciate and respect yourself when you have all this. Develop these qualities in yourself.
Please note that you need to demonstrate them not only in relations with others, but also in relations with yourself. When was the last time you were honest with yourself? Do you have an unshakable system of principles and beliefs? Do you know what you will not tolerate in a relationship with yourself? It’s time to deal with all this.
MY EXPERIENCE OF ACCEPTING MYSELF
Not accepting myself made me angry, irritable, restless. I lashed out at those around me “just like that”, I was extremely inconsistent and contradictory in my desires, actions, thoughts. There was chaos in my head and life. To restore harmony within myself and in relations with the outside world, I made a plan of self-acceptance:
- Make a list of character strengths and weaknesses. Learn to profitably demonstrate the former and correct the latter. For example, I didn’t like that when I was tired, in a bad mood, or angry at someone, I lashed out at someone who came to hand. I kept a diary of emotions , learned to track this state, and before the “explosion”, I spoke out about my state and asked the person not to contact me yet. And in parallel, I mastered techniques for developing self-regulation skills and minimized annoying factors in my life.
- Make a list of complexes, fears, resentments and other psychological problems . Step by step work with each of the points. A universal method for dealing with anything: return to the point when you first encountered this feeling, emotion, thought. Remember the situation in detail. Analyze it with the eyes of an adult. For example, I looked at my childhood photo and sincerely did not understand why this child was called fat. Ordinary child. Yes, overweight, but he’s not terrible and certainly not bad. And even then the weight could be easily adjusted. Why the parents did not notice this and did nothing is another question. So, like a tangle, unravel one problem after another, talk to yourself, find solutions and let go of the past.
- Study by yourself. Understand your temperament and type of nervous system, abilities. Think about where all this is in demand, how it will help me and be useful in life.
- Create a realistic image of what I can be. This applies to appearance, and the inner world, and worldview, and self-realization in the labor sphere.
- Make a step-by-step plan for getting closer to this image and follow it.
- In self-acceptance, it is important to separate what can be corrected from what you cannot influence in any way. If you can not figure it out on your own, then refer to the scientific psychological literature. Two queries will help you: congenital personality traits and acquired personality traits. For example, character and habits can be corrected, but temperament cannot be changed – it remains to accept that someone is quick-tempered, and someone is phlegmatic (indifferent, if in simple terms), someone is vulnerable, and someone perceives everything with humor etc.
Now you know how to accept and love yourself for who you are, or for who you are. Brief psychology: get to know yourself in different roles and states, forgive yourself and offenders from the past, allow yourself to make mistakes, keep a diary of achievements , compliment yourself and praise yourself, take care of yourself, appreciate your uniqueness. And it is also important to know yourself and start the path to unlock personal potential, create an image of a better yourself and a better life for yourself and follow them.
And one more thing – enlist a support group. Find like-minded people or just an understanding person in real life or on the Internet. If you can’t find a specific person, then contact the free phone support services.